Written by Ella Hanover, Pediatric Sleep Specialist at Ella Grace Sleep Solutions

There’s a version of preparing for a baby that exists online where everyone seems perfectly prepared: 

The nursery is finished by 30 weeks, every swaddle and sleep sack has been researched, there are twelve tiny bamboo zip pajamas folded in aesthetic little drawers, and the freezer is stocked with lactation bites.

But once your baby actually arrives, there’s a huge learning curve that no online checklist could prepare you for.

There will be leaky boobs, bottles to wash, tears during diaper changes, and contact naps. That’s normal. The newborn phase has specific challenges that you can’t always “fix,” so my focus becomes helping your family get the best sleep as early as possible and enjoy this phase by removing unnecessary stress and pressure.

You need support, rest, nourishment, realistic expectations, rhythms that support the whole family, and lots of diapers, of course. (Hello, HIRO!!)

A quick word from Ella…

You do not need to optimize every moment of postpartum. You do not need the perfect nap schedule at two weeks old. You do not need to make this phase harder by trying to “do everything right.”

A little bit about me outside of the wake windows and sound machines:

• Brooklyn gal

• Matcha loyalist 

• Extraverted to the core

• Hot yoga devotee

• Usually wearing a matching pointelle set to bedtime visits across the city

• A single mom raising my son with a lot of love, support, and a very New York co-parenting setup

And to top it all off, I’ve been in the “newborn fog” just like you. I get it.

Now let’s talk about sleep!

What should parents expect from the newborn stage?

Here’s what’s developmentally normal for those early weeks:

• Newborn babies sleep a lot and feed a lot. Sleep happens in short bursts (2-4 hours between) as they need to feed frequently due to their small stomachs.

• Total sleep averages 14–17 hours in 24 hours

• Day and night confusion is common

• Night 2–4 postpartum can feel especially intense, especially if your baby is cluster feeding or doesn’t want to be put down because newborns crave proximity, and milk is still transitioning from colostrum to mature milk

All of this combined brings a lot of unpredictability for parents. That’s why it’s so important to know what’s realistic for your newborn. You’re not doing anything wrong because things feel hard, it’s just a season with very specific challenges.

And a note on breastfeeding:

It’s expected for your baby to drop in percentile before colostrum transitions into breastmilk, and your pediatrician will be able to tell you what’s normal and what isn’t. Once milk comes in, many mothers experience huge emotional and hormonal shifts (as the adage goes, “when the milk comes in, the tears come in.”) It’s crucial to have a good support system around you during this time to keep you rested, nourished, and grounded. 

Pacifiers are okay to use for soothing at this stage, as long as they’re not replacing feeds or masking hunger cues.

What newborn sleep foundations should parents know before the baby arrives?

While we can’t and shouldn’t aim for perfection during the newborn phase, there are some foundational sleep principles and practices you can put into place for better sleep for everyone:

Better feeds support better sleep:

Feeding and sleeping go hand in hand. Hungry babies don’t sleep well, which is why you will want to “work” to keep your baby awake long enough to eat fully. Newborns are notoriously sleepy in the first few weeks and may tire quickly at the breast or bottle. 

During the day, aim for:

• Feeding every 2–3 hours (unless baby cues sooner, wake at the three hour mark for a feed. You want the longest stretches between feeds at night, not during the day)

• Offer feeds at early hunger cues (stirring, rooting, hand-to-mouth) before crying escalates so they can latch better

• Keeping baby awake during feeds so they feed well and get good sleep after

• During the first month, when your newborn is awake, assume that they are hungry

If your baby gets sleepy mid-feed, try:

• Undressing to the diaper

• A cool wipe on the forehead or back

• Change diaper, or put baby on their back to wake them up a bit

• Gentle talking or stimulation

• Burping and re-latching

At this stage, we don’t want to eliminate night feeds because newborns still need them, but we can encourage complete feeds so sleep stretches are as long as they can be. Babies are incredible calorie counters so by maximizing feeds during daytime hours, we can begin to work towards longer stretches at night. 

A simple bedtime routine goes a long way:

Newborns thrive on routines. A predictable yet simple bedtime routine signals that sleep is coming, helps your baby distinguish daytime sleep from nighttime sleep, and helps you as the parent identify and acknowledge your hard work at the end of a long day.

A simple newborn bedtime routine might include:

• Warm bath or sponge bath

• Lotion and pajamas

• Feeding + good burping

• Swaddle

• Song or short cuddle

• Lights out

For most newborns, a biologically appropriate bedtime falls around 8 PM–10 PM. Earlier bedtimes become beneficial closer to 8–10 weeks when the circadian rhythm is more established and baby is sleeping longer stretches.

REMEMBER: Don’t make this routine unrealistic for yourself. The last thing you need right now is a picture-perfect bedtime routine standard. All you need to do is pick a few simple, calming rituals for your baby and stick to them. 

Babies crave closeness:

Your baby craves proximity to you. It’s a biological norm! And at this stage, it’s best to work with that biological need instead of fighting crib naps when you’re already running on fumes.

One of my favorite ways to do this is baby wearing. Your breathing regulates theirs, they get some skin-to-skin time, and you get to move around or get out of the house for a change of scenery. It’s a win-win! With good sleep during the day, you can expect them to sleep well at night, and all of the skin-to-skin soothing time will help them settle in their bassinet at night.

And remember, there’s no need to worry about “spoiling” your newborn because you’re holding them or rocking them to sleep, whether it’s at nap time or bedtime. You both have a lot of sleep needs at this stage, and sometimes contact is the best option to get those needs met. This is not the time to obsess over independent sleep skills.

When will my baby sleep through the night?

This is the question every parent asks, and unfortunately the honest answer is… it depends. 

As mentioned above, we can’t expect newborns to sleep through the night, as they’re still getting their total caloric needs through night feeds and their circadian rhythm isn’t fully developed yet.

The focus through 3 months old should be:

• Better sleep, not perfect sleep

• Predictable routines, not rigid schedules

• Supporting complete feeding

• Building sleep foundations gradually

Most babies can comfortably sleep through the night by 5 months old.

The majority of babies at this age can meet their caloric needs during the day, which means they’re capable of sleeping through the night without a feed, assuming there are no feeding concerns. At this age, babies are also developmentally ready to start linking nap sleep cycles, so nap schedules become more predictable, which makes sleep training in general go way more smoothly.

Once your baby hits 5 months old and you’re ready to work on sleeping through the night, you can begin focusing on:

• A consistent morning wake time

• Keeping the first nap of the day at the same time

• Capping the last nap of the day at the same time

• Using age-appropriate wake windows

• Keeping bedtime within the same 30-minute window

What happens during the day– feedings, naps, and routines– greatly impact nighttime sleep. When days are well-managed, your baby is well-aligned for consolidated nighttime sleep. 

Can a sleep consultant help me with sleep training?

Of course! In fact, having access to information on sleep expectations, feeding schedules, wake windows, and independent sleep skills can go a long way, even before sleep training formally begins!

At Ella Grace Sleep Solutions, the focus is always on:

• Understanding the root cause of sleep disruptions

• Aligning feeding, sleep timing, and routines

• Creating a plan that minimizes tears and works for your family

• Parents holding loving limits boundaries at sleep times

• Happy, well-rested families

And remember there’s no single “perfect” age to sleep train, and you’re not missing a “magic window” by waiting. 

Families do not need to wait until they’re completely exhausted to get support. If sleep is no longer sustainable for you or your family, that’s a sign that you might need a little extra support from a baby sleep consultant. 

Want to hear more from Ella?

• Curious about transitioning out of the swaddle? Here’s what to know.

• Everyone at mommy and class stressing about the 4 month sleep regression? Be the one who is chill.

• Want to get your baby sleeping through the night as soon as possible? Here’s what to know about sleep training at three months old.

About the Author:

Ella Hanover is a baby and toddler sleep consultant serving NYC families. She helps parents create sustainable sleep routines that honor child development and support the emotional well-being of the entire family.